Moments of Doubt


Sometimes hope seems to perch on a razor’s edge.

One moment we lean toward optimism, the next we find ourselves tipping toward doubt. So it is with the ongoing saga of my right knee. Doc says an MRI is premature – and I rise up into hopefulness…almost giddy. Then I take note of how easily the knee gets aggravated, and I begin to sink. [More about sinking later]

So goes my early season training with it’s tiresome ups and downs. I’ve grown used to asking my body to do things without complaint. Injuries have never been an issue. But now, I’m in the grip of doubt while riding an emotional roller coaster. The question of whether there will be a 2013 season is gnawing away at me. In my good moments I recognize that I could well be over-reacting: but it’s hard to stay in the good moments when there’s so much in play.

banannaseatCycling has been a part of my life since my eighth birthday.

On that day I came home with a banana seat Schwinn from Bill and Andy’s bike shop. Bicycles became intertwined with my life from that day on. The joy and freedom of the ride have sustained me through many seasons. No matter where the road has taken me, I get on the bike and work things out. The lessons learned help bring perspective and hope when the hills loom large and my body tires. I’ve learned to lock into a cadence and let that carry me through so many stages on this life’s journey. And so…this persistent bit of swelling and soreness makes me anxious and a little afraid.

You’ve lost that sinking feeling

This has a familiar ring to it. Peter is doing pretty well, all things considered. [I know, he’s not riding a bike – he’s walking on water] A storm is blowing, and he’s surrounded by waves, wind and darkness. He’s not sinking because he’s not paying attention to the storm…his eyes are locked on Jesus.

My astounding lack of faith in this matter is PERPLEXING. How may times do I need to learn that watching the wind and waves makes me sink?



3 thoughts on “Moments of Doubt

  1. Maybe you need to slack off on the training a bit so that injury can heal up. Remember, our bodies aren’t the same now as they were at age 7! I hope it is warm enough for you to enjoy skiing. Our temperatures are no colder now than when I was a child, but we didn’t have wind chill factors so it was just cold! Now I get up and check the weather on my phone with a big red exclamation point and it’s wind chill warnings. I think those just make it feel colder!

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